Devil's Advocate

I'm really just curious why no one has called this what it is. NATIONALIZATION. Dirty word isn't it? Even looks dirty there in bold. Why aren't the capitalists screaming? FDR created them, LBJ privatized them. When Chavez does it, it's criminal, when we do it it's rescue...

MotoFoto of the Week

MotoFoto of the Week

Fast Food and Democracy

Alright, I think it's time for me to tell you guys something. I've been beating around the bush and wondering how to break it to you, but I think I just gotta come out and say it. If you're an American, over the age of 25, brace yourself, the truth might hurt. Ready? You (read we) are fat.

There now, that wasn't so bad. It's o.k. Don't cry. You can still go to the gym, make a News Years resolution, or just stop buying the trash can size container of chip dip twice a week. You could do all three!! You can choose from thousands of diet options with ready made meal plans which guarantee you won't feel hungry or you can pay someone to personally train you and yell motivating things at you while you jog slowly on an unplugged treadmill. You can do it!!. You can go to the doctor and have someone suck that fat right out, or have you stomach stapled to make you stop eating like such a pig. All you have to do is want to.

We could go more in depth about ways to stop being fat, or discuss all the reasons why we became so fat, but that's a different blog on a different day. The point is we're fat. And the Vietnamese are not. Since I arrived in Vietnam I have seen exactly two fat Vietnamese people, and one of them might have been pregnant. Here you can also see hoards of foreign tourists visiting Hanoi, and I'm telling ya, the tourists got the weight advantage by at least 2 to 1.

For the past few years of my life I've been making a concerted effort to only live in places where there isn't a McDonald's. Ok, I exaggerate, it wasn't really a concerted effort, merely a pleasant coincidence. But still, two out of the last three places I've lived didn't have the golden arches. These days, if it were a concerted effort it would be a pretty difficult thing to accomplish. The golden arches are everywhere.

Hanoi is one of the few empty places on the McDonald's map. But, while thankfully there still isn't a McDonald's, there are a few other American fast food joints. Pizza Hut has just recently opened up shop in town, and KFC has been around for a few years now and has become a favorite of local teens . Some of you may be surprised by the particular choice of KFC as first and favorite in Vietnam. For you I have only this to say - Have you ever seen Ho Chi Minh and Colonel Sanders in a room at the same time?


But I digress, the point is, Vietnam may soon catch up to our enormousness. Everyone remembers the story about the first Mcdonald's opening up in Russia. I can tell you from experience the results are visible. Since McDonald's opened it's doors in Russia, obesity in children has grown by 38%.

So, American capitalists, keep your fingers crossed. It seems that we don't need to slim down, we just need to wait a while until the rest of the world is as fat as us. That method has worked in our vigorous export of democracy. This is clearly a game of follow the leader. Just look at the successful elections in Iraq, Palestine, Pakistan, and Zimbabwe. Maybe next we can start to export our education system? Message to world Ministers of Education : If you want to be ahead of the curve, slow down now.

Then again, maybe it's not America's fault because we didn't say "Simon Says...."

MotoFoto of the Week

MotoFoto of the Week

A New Feature...

One of the best things about living abroad is all the different things that you see, hear, taste and even sometimes smell, for better or for worse, that you usually wouldn't experience if you were living at home. Here in Hanoi, one of the major differences from home is the transportation. Mopeds. Everywhere. Thousands of them. Hundreds of thousands of them. Mopeds, or as they are often called here, "Mo-Toe Bi" (say it aloud) are the cities main source of transportation. If you don't have your own, the Xe Om (motorbike taxis) are convienent and cheap, and only slightly dangerous. Motorbikes are used to carry everything from freshly butchered meat, to all five members of a five member family and many things in between.



I'm been riding a little Honda 110 Wave in this traffic for about 2 months now, and everyday I see something else unbelievable on the back of a motorbike. So, I've decided to start a new weekly feature here on HanoiJake. I'm going to try a post a photograph, every week of something unexpected on the back of a motorbike. Now keep in mind, this is no simple task. I usually see these spectaclar feats of motorbikesmanship while I'm actually driving, so I can't always just whip out a camera and start firing away. Lucky for us, I have a phone with a camera in it. (Nokia Plug, send me a better model please, I love Nokia) But, I still can't just bust out the phone and start firing. Although I see locals sending text messages while riding all the time, I'm pretty busy concentrating on the road and the other five thousand motorbikes swerving around me, so the task is still daunting. But, I've managed to get a few good pics so far, so I'll start you off with something pretty tame. And now, without further ado, I bring you..... MotoFoto

MotoFoto of the Week

What We Don't Know, Can't Hurt Us...?

I just got cable this week. It's a pretty interesting package too. I've got 9 channels of quality programming from VietnamTV, about 3 Chinese channels, a few Korean channels, Disney, Discovery, National Geographic, a porn-free version of Cinemax (which I didn't even know exsisted), about eleven football (er, soccer) channels, BBC and CNNWorld, in english.

So, you all can rest assured that I know what's going on in the world. For example, I know that there's gonna be a hoe-down tomorrow in Crawford. When I first saw the story on CNN, they were showing still photos of Jenna and for a second I thought "oh my god!, Jenna Bush has gone missing!", then I turned up the volume. D.C. bloggers are reporting that GW spoke to God and called off all scheduled thunderstorms near Crawford tomorrow.

And I know that Hillary isn't giving up without a fight. I think as a poor white man, I speak for myself when I say I've had enough of those elitists and they're math. But, then again, Hillary and I both finished college.

I also saw the huge press coverage of Russia's Annual Victory Day parade. That report brought on nostalgia for me, because I was at that same exact parade last year. In fact, I attended that parade every year for the last five years. But, I guess this years parade was bigger...

But to CNN's credit, they did actually have one example of solid journalism . I've been watching his reports for the past few days, and I have to say, I thought they were pretty solid. As far as I know, he's the only TV journalist that's been able to get in to Myanmar and broadcast anything. The reports were still very theatrical, that's all news these days, I guess. I think CNN has another guy in Myanmar now, but I'm not sure if he's broadcasting.

This site, based in Thailand, has some eyewitness accounts of Nargis, as well as interesting perspective on the referendum that Myanmar is currently "voting" on. It's also where I got the cartoon from above, the artist is Burmese, and he doesn't seem to pull his punches. Here, in Hanoi, I haven't seen one single report about Myanmar on the local news. It seems that even though we can't see anything, it doesn't make it look any better...

Sorry for the delay...

I feel it's time to explain my consistently inconsistent posting on this blog. If you look back at the post dates, they're usually about ten days apart, with intermittent flurries of several posts in few days. You see, I've been testing a theory about the ten day cool-off period which until my last post had seemed pretty solid. But, my last post was on the 27th of april, I lost access to my blog again immediately after, and still can't access today. I would post more often, but somebody needs to speed up the editorial process.

Dude, Where's my Carbs?

Update : Local repercussions

Global food crisis. Silent Tsunami. Food riots in Africa and Asia. Rice hoarding. Scary stuff. What's going on? Why is this happening? Why isn't anyone doing anything about it?

I don't pretend to be an economist. Nor do I claim to have a firm grasp on this problem or it's cause(s). I won't try to offer any solutions, or even criticize any particular parties. But I've been thinking about it alot, and trying to read alot about it from different sources, so I just want to post some of the things that I've been reading, examining it from different angles.

Vietnam has taken alot of flack in the mainstream media for curbing their exports. Some say this amounts to hoarding on a national level.

Calls for free(er) trade have been hailed as solutions.

Creative solutions are needed

It can be blamed on America.

By more than one person.

By lots of people in fact.

Rice production is enough to meet global need.

But people can't afford it.

Biofuel leads to price increase

Food for thought:

In a capitalist model, if the price were to spike on a product, production would increase to meet demand thereby steadying prices. This can't apply to agriculture, as a production increase would take at least a season, in which case demand will not be met. That only works for things like cabbage patch kids and eminem cd's. Not for important things.

Vietnam's curb on exports could be likened to America longing for energy independence. Domestic production meeting domestic demand.

Perspective.



You can tell me I'm an idiot in the comment section...

Mildly Controversial with a Happy Ending

I found this article after I heard about the idea being kicked around for some of the provinces in Vietnam. Apparently the higher-ups here in Hanoi are planning to closely monitor the success of this program in Indonesia, with the intent of possibly implementing the same measures here.

I haven't yet been to Indonesia, or Thailand, but we've all heard the stories about the S.E. Asia sex trade. Vietnam, while not quite as obvious (or oblivious) as some of it's neighbors doesn't appear to be an exception. Massage parlors are seen in all corners of the city and seem to be doing quite a good trade, and "boarding houses" with beds for "short term" rent are scattered around the city as well. The life-size pictures of bikini clad girls and bright neon which mark these establishments leave little doubt as to what's going on behind closed doors.

While I doubt that anybody is really using those boarding houses for the actual purpose of boarding, some of the massage parlors appear to be legit. A few of them in the center of town have gone upscale and expensive with the hope of capturing the tourist demographic, while most others are simple little neighborhood places, catering to local guys. In the interest of research, your dedicated blogger decided to scout a few, to see for myself what's really going on in Hanoi.

Full Disclosure : My mother reads this blog.

Spoiler Alert : Don't worry Mom, it's safe to keep reading.

In my first month here, I've been for four different massages, in three different places. My first massage here in Hanoi was the day I got off the plane. I had flown 18 hours from New York, with stops in Alaska and Taipei, with the owner of the company I'm working for, and when he suggested we get massages, I jumped at the chance. We went to one of the upscale places, clean and expensive, and paid for an hour full body massage. (Keep in mind, expensive is a relative term, I think that hour cost about 12 bucks.) My second massage was about two weeks later, the day he left to return to the states. It was also in a more touristy place with signs and prices in English. My third and fourth massages were both in a nieghborhood place near my house, catering to local Vietnamese guys. It was clean, simple and crowded. There weren't any signs in English and after a short game of charades and negotiation, an hour cost me four bucks.

Now here's the interesting part. In both the first two places, the massage wasn't that great, and I was offered "extra services" after about 35 minutes of half hearted back rubbing. When I politely declined and gestured that I only wanted my shoulders rubbed, the massage went from half-hearted to no-hearted. She seemed genuinely dissapointed, and maybe a little angry with me, that she wasn't going to make a few extra bucks. In the local place, the masseuse almost killed me with the effectiveness of her massage, and never even showed the slightest interest in anything other than massage. This saved me the embarrassment of having to politely but firmly (no pun intended) refuse, and as a result I've been back to that place twice, and I'll probably go again this weekend.

So, I think those experiences are interesting when viewed in light of American stereotypes about Asian countries and the sex trade. This idea that massage means something more than massage seems to be an idea that has been imported. It's something that has sprung from the demand side of economics, not from the supply side. To them massage means massage, nothing more nothing less. Remember Full Metal Jacket? "What can I get for ten dollars? Those weren't Vietnamese guys asking the question. But then again, maybe this doesn't come as a surprise to anyone either. I mean, the oldest profession in the world has always done good business with guys from out of town. Sailors in port, wandering cowboys, visiting dignitaries, etc. Where there's a dollar (or, in all fairness, a Euro) to be made somebody is going to try to make it, right?

I'm not really sure that the padlock on the pants thing is really addressing the issue. Is it a laughable response to an unsolvable problem? Possibly. But from a public policy standpoint, it's brilliant. It is enforceable legislation, aimed at the perpetrator of the crime. A beat cop can walk into a massage parlor and check to see if the girls have their padlocks on. If they don't, then the massage parlor owner gets fined, as opposed to the girls, themselves, taking the rap. I'm taking a stand and applauding the unorthodox thinking behind this legislation and hoping for it's success. But I imagine a padlock on a a girl's belt won't really do much if she's wearing a skirt...

Recurring Theme

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't posted since April 7th, about ten days ago. The internet censors strike again? Impossible to say, but for the past 10 days, I again didn't have access to my blog, and during that time I had sooo much to say. If it is indeed internet censorship that we're dealing with here, it seems to be working brilliantly. Mainly because everytime I'm given access, I have absolutely nothing to say. Check back soon, I'll think of something to test this theory... If you don't hear from me in the next ten days....just wait longer.

A different view from afar

Here's an article from The Economist about what some people in the middle east think of our presidential race. I'd be interested to see a poll of Americans on who they think should be leading countries in the middle east. Guliani would probably be leading across the board.

I haven't really asked any Vietnamese people what they think of the American presidential race, I can say this though. There is a monument to John McCain in Hanoi. I'll let you guys decide who you think the Vietnamese might prefer as the American President. Rumour has it that when McCain came to visit Hanoi in 2000, he elected to stay at the Sheraton.

I didn't say it was Lunacy..

So, the business we are trying to open here in Hanoi suffered a slight set-back this week. It was due to something completely out of our control but, in retrospect, it probably could have been planned for. It's nobody's fault though, no finger pointing, and no hard feelings. We just made a few changes to our plans and continued on.

Let me explain. When I first got here at the beginning of March, one of the first things I did was to set a tentative date for opening as April 1st. It seemed like a good day to me. The first of the month. It's was a Tuesday, near the beginning of the work week. That would give us plenty of time to make the neccessary preparations, and we could easily be ready by that date. Plans were written, people were called, announcements were made.

Then the unexpected happened. When I arrived at the office on the 28th of March, only days before our doors were supposed to fly open and money was to begin pouring into our pockets, I was met by a very serious group of secretaries all huddled, chattering around a calendar. They were seemingly arguing over who was going to break the bad news to me. They looked at me with grim faces, and then at the calendar, and then at each other, then back at the calendar. The chosen one then emerged from the pack armed with her calendar, and began to explain.

She first showed me something like this. As you can see from that calendar, the 1st of April is clearly not a good day to open or start anything. I mean, what kind of Lunatic would start anything at the end of the moon's cycle? Apparently, the end of the moon cycle brings bad luck. It was explained to me that nothing can be started near the end of the cycle, and that in fact, the 9th of April, which is at the beginning of the new moon cycle, would be a much better day to open our new business. I was at a loss for words. I couldn't really think of a rational argument to counter that logic, so I was beaten. The ninth it is. If the stars aren't aligned then they aren't aligned, right? Who can argue with that?

So our first major minor set back was handled quite easily. But here is a short list of other things of the same nature, which I felt I should immediately learn, so as not to make the same mistake twice.

- If one is going to have a party, one should only gamble after the festivites

- If one is going to sweep the house, one should only sweep near the end of the moon cycle to avoid sweeping out the good luck that the new moon brings

- One should sprinkle lime powder around the house to expel evil

- One should not give a gift of duck, it symbolizes unluckiness (but only on some days, i'm not really sure which, something was lost in translation on that one)

- One should not give a clock or a watch as gifts, it symbolizes that your time is passing

- One shouldn't have shrimp at the start of something (i.e. wedding, ribbon cutting) in case one would move backwards like shrimp, in other words, one would not succeed

- If one should want to give a pet as a gift, one should give a dog, but not a cat. The Vietnamese word for the dog's bark, gâu gâu, sounds like the word giàu which means richness. The word for cat, mèo, is pronounced like nghèo, which means poverty

I think they all sound quite reasonable, and I'm pleased to be able to make the following announcements. Thus far:

- I have only been gambling after parties.

- I haven't swept at all, so all my good luck is still in my house.

- I haven't given anyone any cats, ducks, or watches.

- I'm pretty sure I don't move like a shrimp (but I might need a second opinion on that one)

- In accordance with the moon, which will be waxing cresent, the business will be opening it's doors on April 9th 2008. And the stars will be aligned.

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and Doggone it...

Most of you guys probably saw this but I wanted to post it here just in case. John kind of bungles the interview but I think the kid makes a few really interesting points. I particularly like when he talks about patriotism and being more informed about your country, and he makes you think a little when he floats that idea of reconciliation.

What does it mean "to reconcile"? By that definition it could mean several different things. This is a word which has been thrown around alot lately, and nobody seems to be sure exactly what it means. It could mean to solve a dispute, or to settle your debts, or it could even have a religious context as in catholic reconciliation and penance. Which of these reconciliations are we seeking, and which do we need?

I suppose I started thinking about it around the time that I got here, to Hanoi. In this context it's not really clear either. Suppossedly, America and Vietnam have reconciled. 33 years after the end of the war and they definitely don't hate Americans here. It's strange actually, but they really seem to genuinely like Americans, and if any of you have been traveling recently you know that that feeling isn't very common these days. It's more than just the Harley Davidson, Coca Cola, Brad and Angelina stuff that most of the world love-hates. And it's more than just a reluctant tolerance of Americans that you feel when you travel sometimes. It's an actual thing. They really like us.

Maybe we've been saying our daily affirmations loud enough for Vietnam to hear. What's not to like about that guy? Or maybe they just like us because we only had one war with them. By the same token that the Vietnamese like Americans, they seem to genuinely hate the Chinese. They had to fight those guys for years, many different times and hate them as a result. Would we feel it was unjustified if they hated us?

So, this idea of reconciliation is elusive. Back to that definition, maybe we need all of the above in Iraq. We need to solve the conflict, settle our debts, and pay our penance. Put in the Iraqi context can those three things ever happen in Iraq among themselves, much less with America? And even if it were to happen, Can we ever really expect them ever to genuinely like America? I mean, we gave them the gift of democracy, right?

I asked one of my American buddies what it meant to reconcile and he said "Typically I don't take things seriously enough to require reconciliation. And generally I think it's better just to forget about things like that. Focusing on it as part of the "healing" process just rekindles old hatreds and impedes progress." As a side note, he also asked that I only identify him as an anonymous highly placed source. But his answer is an honest one and interesting because maybe that's what Vietnam has done with their American war. They've just blown it off. In the grand scheme of Vietnamese history, it's a blip on the time line. Forgive and forget, right? Those Chinese, though... they were the real problem.

Is that what's going to happen with Iraq? Someday we'll all look back on this and have a belly laugh. Or, you'll thank me someday. Is that what American is hoping for? Is that what Iraq forsees in their future? When, where, how and with whom is this reconciliation going to take place? We're not even sure how it happened in Vietnam and it's been thirty years. How about this guys, maybe this time we should actually try to learn something?

One small step for a blogging..

So, I'm back. Today is the first day that I have been able to access my blog since March 20th. I'm not sure why, or how, but today I clicked, and it loaded right up. Strange. Maybe my apology was accepted? It took about 10 days to accept, that seems about right to me. Issue an apology and 10 days later you can have your blog back. Doesn't that sound like bureaucracy to you? Or possibly it was just a ten day cool off period, like when Americans try to buy a gun in a gun shop. The benevolent government didn't want me to commit any crimes of passion so they made me stop and think about what I was doing, or had planned to do. I think that's an interesting comparison too, because when I really wanted to blog, I found a way to do it, circumventing the 10 day cool off. Or maybe the internet connections just suck, so I couldn't ever load this page. I don't know. For whatever reason, I have access now and I feel whole again.

An interesting development

It's Monday morning here, and I haven't been able to access this page since about 12 hours after I published my last post. I'm not really sure what that means, and I'm not really sure what to do about it. I can access all other pages, but not this page. I can get to the dashboard here, and I can create a new post, but I can't publish it, I can't view the blog, and I can't read comments. So, I'm writing this from home today, but I think kreplech will have to publish it for me (from an undisclosed location....in America.)

Maybe someone is trying to answer my poll question for me? Maybe I had a few too many hot keywords in my last post that somebody misinterpreted? Maybe the link to the State Department Report was a bad idea? I don't know. But, as those who know me probably already guessed, I'm a bit paranoid at this point. I like making comparisons, but the inside of an American jail cell is not fun, and I'm not that interested in seeing the inside of a Vietnamese one.

So, I 'd like to take this opportunity to clear a few things up. I am not a revolutionary. Did ya hear that, guys? I AM NOT A REVOLUTIONARY!!! I think everybody who knows me was pretty sure of that already, but I just felt the need to say it aloud. Here. So, if you're looking to start a revolution, take it somewhere else. There's no place for that here, ya understand?

I'm a socialist, for crying outloud. I love communists. 5 years in Russia with excellent free health care did it to me. I'm a young, healthy, working class male, the picture of socialism. You need a dollar? I'll give you one. Need some Dong? I'll give you some. Glory to the workers!! Down with the Bourgeoisie!! Granted, I'm a liberterian socialist to coin a term, but a socialist none the less. For me, now, in Vietnam, I want to maintain the status quo. I love the staus quo.

Maybe I'm overeacting, but I think it's not entirely out of the realm of possibilities that my last post contained some items, or phrases, or links which could be viewed as unfavorable to a certain government, which happens to be in power in the country where I happen to be currently situated. And as a result of those words, phrases and links I have been blocked from posting more, and the State Security Services are now on the way to arrest me and sentence me without trial to a life of hard labor. But, I maintain that the subleties of my message could have been lost in translation, and I'm now issuing a formal apology to the offended parties. I'm not too proud for that. Sorry. I was actually trying to start a revolution in MY country, but now, I've even changed my mind about that. Because, as I said before, I'm not a revolutionary and I love the status quo.

So, in the interest of my personal safety, I've made some changes to my last post. I've replaced the link to the State Department with something I feel will be viewed in a much better light. And I've changed the quoted text at the bottom to claify what I was actually trying to say. Save all that journalistic integrity stuff for Judith Miller. This blogging thing is cool, but I like walking around outside. The view from here should not be from behind bars.

A Can of Worms

So, I went out to dinner last night with some Vietnamese friends, and we somehow got started on a pretty interesting topic. They've seen all the controversy in the states about Reverend Wright but they didn't really have the context to understand what the controversy is about. From their point of view the issue was framed differently. Americans have freedom of religion. And Americans have a seperation of church and state. So, What's the big deal? Why do Americans care about what somebody's pastor said or says? Imagine trying to explain that to someone who speaks less than perfect english, when I only know about 25 words in Vietnamese, and 10 of those are numbers.

So, It got me thinking. In one of my first days here I took a trip with those same people to a few Buddhist temples on the outskirts of Hanoi. And it struck me that Vietnam is, technically, a communist country. Yet, the temples seemed to be alive and well, I'd even say thriving. I mean communism and religion don't normally go hand in hand, right? Didn't I hear something once about The opiate of the masses?

Their Constitution says

"citizens enjoy freedom of worship, and may practice or not practice a religion"

but that

"no one may misuse religions to violate state laws or policies."

So, I guess that kinda covers all the bases there. Basically, worship whoever, whatever, however you want to, but don't start setting yourself on fire in the streets. The word "misuse" I think is particularly interesting.

Then this morning I came across this.

And here is a link to something which is NOT the State Departments Report on Human Rights in any country.

So, maybe we can use this stuff to start a discussion. Why do Americans care what somebody's pastor says or said? Could it (or should it) be spun into a freedom of religion issue? Does the State Department have a "Country Report on Human Rights Practices- U.S.A." And if there were such a report, what kind of grade would we give ourselves? Here are some things which could have been said about America, but were actually said about Vietnam.

Police sometimes abused suspects during arrest, detention, and interrogation. Prison conditions were often severe. Individuals were arbitrarily detained for political activities and were denied the right to fair and expeditious trials.

The government exercised oversight through the Ministry of Culture and Information, reorganized during the year to become the Ministry of Information and Communication, and supplemented its control through pervasive party guidance and national security legislation sufficiently broad to ensure effective self-censorship by the domestic media.

By law detainees are permitted access to lawyers from the time of their detention, but the system often functioned in a way that denied detainees free and open access to legal counsel.

Interestingly enough, I couldn't find anything in the report about warrantless wiretapping ocurring anywhere in Vietnam.

Ngon means Tasty

Hấp Dẫn means delicious...but it also means attraction, so be careful. This was in yesterday's Viet Nam News, a local english language paper. I like the end of the third paragraph. I also found this, in case anyone is interested.

The View from here...

Alright, Inaugural post. Hanoi Jake is up and running. My hope for this blog is that it will act as The Foreign desk for Illiterate Electorate. The view from the outside looking in. A foreign perspective on all things American, and an American perspective on all things Foreign. We'll start with this....



This Blog could be a bit like Hanoi traffic. In fact, I hope it is. Going this way, and that, always moving, never stopping, no rules, just motion. Stay tuned....